Fullmetal Voice Mail
by Devil Seifer
Summary: This is the voice messages and mail of the FMA characters, I did the same concept for Gundam Wing I hope you will enjoy it. Envy and Lust are up!
1. Edward and Alphonse Elric

D.S.: Hey y'allz! I'm back and with a vengeance! A long time ago, I got a review on my Gundam Wing Voice Messages fanfic that said I should write a Fullmetal Alchemist version of that fic. (Review written by lil dragon blue) I, at that time knew and like Fullmetal, but I didn't know enough so I really didn't realize how much I could do with that idea. So, I wrote lil dragon blue just today and said that I realize now that the idea they had was in fact a great one and that I apologize that I had forgotten about the whole thing, I have a very bad memory!

Ed: You talk too much…wait… SO NOW THAT YOU'RE ALL DONE TORTURING THOSE GUNDAM PILOTS SO NOW WE ARE YOUR NEXT VICTIMS! I'M GOING TO STOP THIS!

D.S.: So? Do you want to make something of it, because I have the power to turn this fic into a yaoi fic of passionate love, lust, and betrayal between you and said Colonel…Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist…Hmmmm? (Won't let Ed know that she in fact, despises yaoi fics and wish they would burn in hell for destroying her favorite American Gundam Wing bishie, aka Duo Maxwell!)

Ed: …..WHAT THE HELL!

D.S.: Nuhuhuhhhhh…. (Waves her finger mockingly)

Ed: (suddenly feels that terrible indescribable feeling of love…for a man!) NO! I GIVE! I'LL BE GOOD! I PROMISE, NOW MAKE IT STOOOOPPPPP! PLEASE!

D.S.: (stops Ed's yaoi torture) Jeesh, so easy to manipulate.

Al: Brother! What is happening!

Ed: …D.S. is taking over the world…Al…quickly…nigete! (Translates to "run!" in Japanese)

D.S.: Well, on with the show! I'M BACK BABY!

* * *

Ed and Al's Voice Mails

* * *

**Edward Elric's Voice Mail:**

Ed: Hey, you've reached Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, for all those wondering right now, I am not short and if you think I am, you might reconsider the idea that you don't have a death wish. I'm not here right now, so if you leave a message I will get back to you as soon as if you are calling…GO TO HELL AND PLAY POKER WITH SATAN FOR ALL OF ETERNITY AND LEAVE ME THE !$ ALONE YOU SON OF A BITCH!

Beep! You have 2 new messages! First message, sent yesterday, at 4:58 pm.

Roy: Well, I feel special that you gave me that inspiring advice, but I have a couple things to say small fry; first, I, unlike you, am not the main ingredient of a shrimp cocktail; second, I, once again, unlike you, have a girlfriend and can also STEAL another one from Havoc anytime I wish and dock his paycheck at the same time, so if you ask me, midget, I'm better than you all around. You know what they say, short men…short-

Beep! Your message has been deleted! (CRASH) (BAM) (CRUNCH) (CRUNCH) (BLAM) (BLAM) (BLAM) (BLAM) (BLAM) (BLAM) (BLAM) (BLAM) (BLAM)

Sadly, Ed never got to hear the second message that was sent by Doctor Marcoh expressing the fact that he discovered a complete Philosopher's Stone that he was willing to let him and Al use to get their bodies back…too bad.

* * *

**Alphonse Elric's Voice Mail:**

Hi, you've reached the Kitty Protection Program, the proprietor is currently away saving all of the cold, hungry, kitties of the world right now, so you can leave a message after the beep or you can contact the Resembool office at (455) 555-6753. Thank you so much, KITTIES OF THE WORLD UNITE AGAINST THE EVIL OF MY BIG BROTHER FOR NOT LETTING ME KEEP YOU! RAWR!

Beep! You have 1 new message! First message, sent today, at 2:32 pm.

Ed: …..Al, why is your message machine for the "Kitty Protection Program"? WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY RESEMBOOL OFFICE! AL I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU ONCE I FIND OUT WHERE YOU ARE! I'LL MAKE SURE THAT I TAKE OFF THAT BLOOD SEAL NIIIIICCCEEEE AND SLOOOOOOWWWWWWW! GOT MEEEEEE!

Beep! You have no more messages! Have a nice day! Goodbye!

* * *

D.S.: Well, how did you like it? I hope that you will review because I have low self esteem issues and need to know that I'm loved. (Sniff) I will not continue this until I get at least 5 reviews! So GET REVIEWING! Thank you! Bye bye!

(The sounds of a metal arm scratching at armor in the background along with mass amounts of screaming)


	2. Roy Mustang and Maes Hughes

D.S.: Howdy! I hope that you all have been doing well! (Gives cheery Barbie-doll smile)

Hughes: Roy…is it just me, or does that smile make her look like she's going to eat our spleens?

Mustang: (shudder) erm…Maes you're crazy, I don't see any smile! (Looks everywhere except at D.S.'s face)

D.S.: (looks deviously innocent at the two military officers) what are you guys talking about?

Hughes and Mustang: NOTHING! DON'T EAT OUR SPLEENS!

D.S.: (confused) who said I was going to eat your spleens, yes I ate Envy's for calling me an old hag, but that doesn't mean I'll do it again.

Hughes: …Who's Envy?

D.S.: Someday you'll know…you'll know almost too well. (Sniff)

Hughes: WHY IS SHE SNIFFING! Oh, I forgot! (Pulls out projector screen and back drop, complete with little clicker too…dear God save us) MY DAUGHTER TURNED 4 THIS YEAR! SEE HERE SHE IS RIDING HER BICICLE, AND HER EATING CAKE, AND HERE SHE IS SLEEPING! ISN'T SHE CUTE! OH, HERE SHE IS WITH THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD! (His wife…if you didn't know that, you obviously never watched a single episode or read a single manga…shame on you)

D.S. and Mustang: RUN FOR THE HILLS!

D.S.: (20 miles away) ENJOY THE CHAPTER! I DON'T OWN THE FMA CHARACTERS, BUT I DO OWN THE BLOCKBUSTER GUY!

* * *

Roy Mustang and Maes Hughes

* * *

**Roy Mustang's Voice Mail:**

Hello, you have reached Colonel Roy Mustang, I am currently not able to pick up the phone right now, so please leave a message after the beep…oh, and if this is Ed, I don't answer to phone to shrimps, I'm allergic to seafood, so go jump in someone's cocktail and leave me alone; oh and Ed, don't forget that those reports you have to replace that I accidentally incinerated because my glove was defective, are due tomorrow, good luck midget. Also, if you are calling for my new dating service, give me your number and the times that you are available and I will get back to you as soon as possible ladies!

Beep! You have 5 new voice messages, first new message, sent Friday at 8:24 am.

Hawkeye: Colonel…CRAP I FORGOT WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPID MACHINE! DAMN IT! (CH-CHOK!) (BLAM!) (YIPE!) …oh, sorry Black Hayate… (WHINE WHINE!)

Beep! Your message has been saved, (black mail) next message, sent Friday, at10:03 am.

That one nurse that Havoc liked: Hi, my name is Leah, my number is (554) 777-5533, and I am available on the weekends from 5 to 11, thank you!

Beep! Your message has been saved! (Roy: Neheheheheh, take that Havoc!) Next message, sent today, at 1:07 am.

Havoc: ROY, YOU SON OF A BITCH! HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME! THE NUMBER OF TIMES YOU MADE ME BREAK UP WITH MY GIRLFRIENDS AND STOLE THEM FROM ME! THIS IS HERISY! THIS IS BULL! THIS IS…errrr… BLAH! RAWR! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! RAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! …ummm…oh shit… (Click)

Beep! Your message has been saved, (black mail) next message, sent today at 5:35 pm.

Ed: ROY, I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU! YOU ARE SUCH AN-

Beep! Your message has been deleted, next message, sent today, at 6:02 pm.

Blockbuster Guy: Hi, I'm calling for Roy Mustang; we need you to return the following movies:

Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood

The Notebook

Fullmetal Alchemist Volume 1

Tokyo Mew Mew: A La Mode Volume 5

Sailor Moon: Hearts of Ice (I think that's what it is…)

And Gigli…I worry about people like you. Just get those movies back before we have to tar and M&M you. (A/N: Ah, the ways that Blockbuster works!) Thank you very much.

Beep! Your message has been deleted, you have no more messages. Good bye.

* * *

**Maes Hughes Voice Mail:**

Elicia: Hi, you've reached the Hughes family; we can't come to the phone right now, so please leave a message after the beep!

Hughes: THAT WAS GREAT ELICIA! DADDY IS SO PROUD OF HIS LITTLE GIRL! WAHAHAHA!

Gracia: Honey, the machine is still on.

Hughes: Oh! Sorry!

Beep! You have 2 new messages, first message, sent today, at 3:25 pm.

Havoc: Hughes…you've got to talk to Roy! He's ruining my life! I've somehow obtained this weird twitch in my eye, and I like to stand in corners just talking to myself! I think I have the flu, because my eyes are all red and I'm starting to see things that I never knew existed; I saw a TALL version of Edward Elric in my house the other day! WHAT THE HECK WAS HE DOING IN MY HOUSE! HUGHES! SAVE MEEEEEE! I'M GOING INSA-

Beep! Your message has been deleted, next message, sent today, at 4:52 pm.

Sgt. Brada: Hi, erm, I think I called the wrong number because I don't think they changed the name of Domino's to Hughes'. Sorry about that! But if you are Domino's, I would like a large meat-lovers' pizza with cheesy sticks and a large cheese pizza with garlic bread! Thank you!

Beep! Your message has been deleted, you have no more messages. Good bye.

* * *

D.S.: That would be awesome if Brada got a free dog with every order of the meat-lovers'. Neheheheheh, I'm evil.

Mustang: Yes you are.

Hughes: WANNA SEE THE PICTURES THAT I HAVE OF MY DARLING DAUGHTER ELICIA!

D.S. and Mustang: NO HUGHES!

D.S.: Well, thanks for reading; I'm astonished by all of the reviews! I should have a new chapter by tomorrow if I get at least 3 review today. I need fuel for my writing fire!

Mustang: I don't know about fuel, but I can give you fire! (Holds up hand)

D.S.: (sweat-drop) No thanks, but thanks for reading my fic; I am eternally grateful! BYE!


	3. Questions and a special little rant!

D.S.: Hey guys, I got a lot of requests, questions, and comments on things in the fic, so, I've decided that I will answer and comment on all of them that I feel like!

Zodiac Author:

Q: Question though, how can I get Roy's number? I want leave a message for the dating service!

A: Sorry, Roy said for me to keep it confidential… (LOOK IT UP ON THE INTERNET!)

Facadephazzad:

Q: also haha it would be funny if Havoc would have his own voice mail messages where women would be dumping him for Roy :nyahaha: but that was only a suggestion.

A: What's scary is that I was planning that.

Alchemist Mew Mew:

Q: l8ter can u make voice mails 4 the homunculi (especially Wrath-chan?) thankies!

A: I'm going to be doing all of the characters, so never ph34r! Also, did you know that the Pride in the anime is actually Wrath in the manga! Also, Havoc becomes paralyzed from the waist down! (sadly he's probably virgin) (sorry about the bad joke)

MilesTAiLSPrower-007:

Q: Ed smashing the answering machine was sort of an unfortunate and ironic thing to do, eh? Whoops.

A: That was kinda the point, even though Edward is my bishie, and my bishie alone, I have to torture him a little too, he needs it.

Mairanu:

Q: i like the idea but some parts were kinda weird(thats 4 me) but hey i liked it really keep going

A: It's meant to be weird! That's what makes it BEAUTIFUL!

Wolfborg007:

Q: I hope you put up Hawkeye's voice mail.

A: That's actually next.

D.S.: Well, thank you all for your questions, comments, and suggestions! If you come up with something that you think will be awesome for the fic, that PM me or e-mail me at thank you guys so much for the support and the 3 foot pixie stix! (those things are legal crack...twitch twitch!) Also, I have one thing to say...actually two, first, ED IS BETTER THAN ROY AND IT IS PROVEN THAT THEY ARE BOTH IN FACT STRAIGHT! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU GUYS DO TO **NARUTO** BUT LEAVE ED ALONE! Or at least warn people, I was reading this GW fic and I was laughing my butt off and all of a sudden...IT TURNED YAOI! NO WARNING, NOTHING! I NEARLY KILLED MYSELF FLIPPING OUT OF THE COMPUTER CHAIR! I don't mind that people like that stuff, and I'm not one to critique, so, JUST GIVE A WARNING! (sigh) Oh, and the second thing, there should be an age limit on energy drinks, have you ever seen a 10 year old on one of those, their running around so fast that you can't see them anymore, their just a little screaming, hyper, flash of color running around the house breakin' stuff and you get blamed for it! Iworked atWal-Mart andIhad an 8 year old come up tomy register, put downa Monster Unleashed,hand mea butt-load of coins and expected me tofirst of all ring it up, thenGIVE it to him,THENcount all of thepennies strewn on the conveyer belt! (I did it anyways...)Thanks for reading my little rant, I didn't think thatitwouldturn out like this and to apologize,I will put up another chapter, TODAY! EVENIF IT KILLS ME!

Thanks somuch!

D. Seifer


	4. Hawkeye and Havoc

D.S.: Hey guys, I'm sorry that I wasn't able to write recently, I was in Flagstaff, AZ for a few days and just got back. GOMENASAI! I also got to go see this awesome SuperCross stunt tournament, I was in the first row…(actually, it was the fifth but all of the seats in front of me were covered in plastic because I guess it was too dangerous to sit there…I LIVE FOR DANGER!) These guys were flipping and doing all of these crazy stunts it was insane! I LOVED IT!

Hawkeye: …D.S., what's so great about watching idiots taking heavy two-wheeled machinery and flinging themselves in the air with them?

D.S.: It's great to watch because you're not the one doing it! THAT'S WHY IT'S GREAT!

Havoc: …Can we have Roy try one of those things!

D.S.: Yes, because we have yet to torture Roy for some odd, twisted, and demented reason; but that will have to be later. BECAUSE YOUR TORTURE FEST WILL START NOW!

Havoc: NOOOOOOOO! (Cigarette falls from Havoc's mouth as he dramatically falls to his knees in despair)

Hawkeye: O.OU …..oh crap…..

* * *

Riza Hawkeye and Jean Havoc's Voice Mail

* * *

**Riza Hawkeye's Voice Mail**

Hello, you have reached Second Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye. I am not able to pick up the phone right now, but if you leave a message, I will get back to you as soon as possible; and I would like to add that probably the reason that I'm not picking up the phone is because I have to watch over the Colonel's ass because he is USELESS! Thank you very much.

You have 3 new messages, first message sent Tuesday, at 4:35 pm.

(Beep)

Hi, this is Petco, (A/N: WHERE THE PET'S GO! Hahahahaha…okay I'll stop…) the AK-47 deluxe dog chewy toy, complementary with doggy-treat bullets, you ordered is in, so please pick it up as soon as possible. Thank you for your stead-fast business that you have given us! Have a nice day.

Your message has been deleted, next message, sent today, at 10:24 am.

Hi Hawkeye, this is Fuery, I found another dog and I was hoping-

Your message has been deleted, next message, sent today, at 12:07 am.

Lieutenant, this is Ed and Al, (Al: Hello!) we found a cat, and Al won't leave me alone until we find a home so-

Your message has been deleted; you have no more messages, goodbye.

(Hawkeye looks at Black Hayate, and grumbles) This is entirely your fault, dog.

* * *

**Jean Havoc's Voice Mail**

Hello, you've reached Lieutenant Havoc, I can't pick up the phone right now so please leave a message after the…err…do I call it a beep…tone…whatever! I would also like to "request" that Colonel Mustang doesn't continue these prank calls so that I have to talk to my therapist even than I already have to because of the immense psychological damage already caused by that heartless jerk! GOT ME! ONLY LEAVE A MESSAGE IF IT'S ACTUALLY IMPORTANT! RAWR! (Twitch twitch)

You have 4 new messages, first new message, sent Monday, at 5:02 pm.

Havoc, this is Jamie, I'm calling to tell you that I'm canceling our date; there is this man that I met that is just a dream! He's a Colonel in the military and is ambitious about becoming Fuehrer! Not only that but he's an alchemist! Well I've got to go, or I'll be late for our date! I'm sorry Havoc! Bye!

Your message has been deleted, (Havoc: At least I have some back-up dates…I learned to plan ahead for disappointment.) Next message, sent yesterday, at 3:25 pm.

Jean, this is Samantha, I'm terribly sorry, I've decided I'm not going to go out with you, I just don't see a connection, and there is this alchemist that I met just yesterday that I just adore! He's a little on the short side, but he's closer to my age and I just love men with braids! (Squeal!) Also, he's been through a lot more than you and you can tell because he has automail for an arm and leg! (Sigh!) KAWAI'I! I'm really sorry Jean, but, this is goodbye…

Your message has been deleted, next message, sent today at 11:34 am.

Hey, Havoc! It's Mustang! I just wanted to give you some advice! I've been doing a dating service and it's been doing AWESOME! I think that you should start one of your own! It would give you a chance to see more women…unless you prefer the other gender…just kidding! I've got this date in about an hour so I have to go, call me back, okay! Bye!

Your message has been deleted, next message, sent today, at 3:28 pm.

Jean, this is Rosie-

Your message has been deleted; you have no more messages, good bye! (Havoc is crying in the background)

(A/N: That message was actually to CONFERM a date, not to dump him…that sucks… told you it was going to be a torture fest for him…)

* * *

Well? How did you like it? I'm sorry that it took so long; I was on vacation with no computer. It sucked very much! I will not continue until I get at least 4 reviews! (Most likely I'll start after the first because I'm too kind…sigh) BUT GET REVIEWING! If you have any ideas or maybe you want to leave a message for someone, put it in the review and I will try my hardest to put it in to the fic! ARIGATO GOZAIMATSU! SAIYONARA! 


	5. Questions episode 2!

Hello, D.S. here, it's that time again, I've been getting reviews galore and I've decided that periodically I will put a Q and A chapter so that I can comment and answer questions because you guys are the best! Guys, I don't know about you but I always feel loved when I'm mentioned at the end of any fic because I reviewed, so if you want to get mentioned, then do a review that will catch my eye! I hate drama so do your best to make me laugh my ass off! Anyways, let's get on with the show!

* * *

Q. by Demon-Dog:

c-cant s-stop l-laughing. OMG! I love it I thought it was hilarious. Updatez soonz :)

A. by Devil Seifer:

(pats Demon-Dog on the back and hands glass of water) Thank you! But try not to laugh yourself to death; I need you to review on the next chapter.

Q. by Lyemi:

hehehe... screams...

A. by Devil Seifer:

…are you "good" screaming, or "bad" screaming?

Q. by Bunnicula:

Consider your story reported for being in the chat/script format that's not allowed on this site. Read the rules next time before you post. Oh, and RoyxEd rules all. :)

A. by Devil Seifer:

…err…I can change that; it isn't hard…the fourth chapter isn't in script; someone already mentioned that, it'll get fixed. And I guess that's your preference, so I apologize if I offended you in any way, but I personally just don't like that stuff so I choose to ignore it.

Q. by GuruSan007:

wow... that was interesting... YAY ROY!

A. by Devil Seifer:

…that's kinda demented that you're cheering on the guy that is causing someone to loose all pride in his manliness…although I'm the chick pulling the strings.

Q. by Magic Noise:

Wow, you just like torturing them, don't chya? marcohs message, rosies message...XD Love it. D Hope you get enough reveiws tho, cause I really like this fic. Glad you had a nice trip, too.

A. by Devil Seifer:

…where did you get that idea? (I'm only kidding! Yes I do.) I have been definitely getting enough reviews! But that doesn't mean for you to slack off people! DON'T GET LAZY! KEEP REVIEWING! REVIEW FOR EVERY CHAPTER! (You don't have to if you don't want to, but I would give you 10 pixie stix if you do!)

Q. by C0me as y0u are:

you should do one for um...lets see what characters havent you done...how about the homunculi. i cant think of anythig else. when i come up with it ill send it in a pM KAY?

A. by Devil Seifer:

there's a ton of people: Scar, the military underlings (Falman, Fuery, and Brada), Tim Marcoh, Izumi Curtis, etc.

Q. By lil-dragon-blue:

teeheehee.  
havoc's voice mail makes me feel a little guilty for laughing at him. poor guy.

A. by Devil Seifer:

Well, this meant for humor, at their dispense. Don't worry…I like that you laugh at him! (havoc screaming in the background) Forget about it!

Q. By Saicatmesecat:

OMG! LOL! And all those other things! "I have to watch over the Colonel's ass because he is USELESS!" Is definitly the best part!

A. by Devil Seifer:

That's why I like Edward more than Roy…the shrimp can take care of himself, that's why I love MY shrimp!

Q. by Alchemy Blue:

ZOMFG!XDDXDDXDXD I wanna call Edo..Do you have is number by any chance?XD

A. by Devil Seifer:

…no because of two reasons…one: HE'S MINE! And two: he asked for confidentiality. As did everyone else, except for Hoenhiem of Light…I don't know why…

Q. by Moomoogirl1:

I loved it. Yes Roy is useless. When you think about it Hawkeye's his babysitter! Poor Havoc tough. Anyways I demand an update! Later!

A. by Devil Seifer:

…yes…he is definitely useless…I totally agree…how are you supposed to transmute things with only fire? He's a loser…but sadly there are people who actually LIKE him...the world is a strange place...

* * *

Well! Thanks for all of the great comments and questions that you have given me! I will be going again to Tucson for like a week or two but I will be writing again right after that! I PROMISE! Thank you so much you guys! You're the greatest! I'm so loved! 


	6. Envy and Lust

D.S.: Hey guys, I'm back from my little vacation. I'm totally beat, my family is so weird…I won't explain it because there is too much detail to that story…anyways; I hope that you all have been doing well…

Envy: I don't hear you asking US if we're doing well!

Lust: I think that would have something to do with the fact that in the second to the last episode you skewered the Fullmetal pipsqueak right through the heart and later called HER and "old hag".

Envy: So! SHE FRICKIN' ATE MY SPLEEN AFTER THAT!

Lust: I knew that you were walking strangely for some odd reason…how did the emergency transplant go?

Envy: …They didn't have any in my size, so I had to go "shopping" for one. That Flame Alchemist's spleen is working quite well. (Stretches his back a bit)

D.S.: erm…HEY! HIS SPLEEN WAS SUPPOSED TO GO WITH TOMORROW'S TEA! (Rips out the spleen and lovingly puts it in a glass jar) Yay! I get spleen with my tea tomorrow! I get spleen with my tea tomorrow! Okay, on with the show! (Lust pokes at Envy while he screams in the background)

Envy's Voice Mail

…Hey, you've reached Envy…erm…I'm not…er…he-I'M NOT SAYING THAT DANTE! AND I NEVER WANT TO HEAR YOU TALK ABOUT THE FULLMETAL PIPSQUEAK LIKE THAT AGAIN! (Shudder) I would never do that… ewwwwwwwww…Stupid yaoi fangirls…erm…just leave a message after the beep. GET OFF OF ME GLUTTONY! I'M NOT A STEAK!

Hello! You have 3 new messages…to listen to your messages, press one…Beep!

First message, sent yesterday, at 9:34 am.

Mr. Envy, this is the IRS, you and your friends haven't been paying your taxes for about an estimated, 200 years…there will be two agents that will come to take everything you own and your lives because you don't own enough to be able to pay us back for 5 years… have a nice day! (Whispers) I love my job…

Your message has been deleted and your door barred with many Alphonse plushies and a ninja llama, next message, sent yesterday, at 12:45 pm.

Hey uber ugly girly man, this is Greed, (SHOVE IT YOU ASSHOLE!) I was wondering if I could borrow your Gamecube, it really gets boring when you have to deal with these peeps moping around because they have nothing to do. I'll be over in 45 minutes…THANKS!

Your message has been deleted, next message, sent today, at 5:02 pm.

Hello this is Ron Brinkley with the Military CIA, we've been getting reports of criminal activity in your area that is being committed by a large group of strange people; I would just like to warn you to keep a look out for anyone dressed in black with strange red lines and the marking of a snake eating it's tail. Please be careful and call me if you see anything suspicious. Have a nice day.

Your message has been deleted, you have no more messages, if you would like to change your greeting press- CLICK!

Lust's Voice Mail

Hi, you've reached Lust; I'm not here right now so please leave a message after the beep.

You have two new messages, first message, sent today at 11:28 am.

Hello, this is Gary from Blockbuster, I would like to let you know that you have some movies that are 35 years overdue, could you please return the following movies…

Richard Simmons Rocks to the Fifties

Richard Simmons Rocks to the Sixties

Hard Abs in Five Days

How to Obtain Black Mail on a Best Friend

The Firm Vol. 1

The Firm Vol. 2

The Firm Vol. 3

The Firm Vol. 4

The Firm Vol. 5

The Firm Vol. 6

The Firm Vol. 7

(A/N: OH MY GOODNESS, HOW ELSE DOES SHE KEEP ANOREXICALLY THIN!)

Thank you very much ma'am. Goodbye.

Your message has been deleted, next message, sent today, at 4:56 pm.

Lust, this is Greed, WILL YOU LEAVE ME ALONE YOU STUPID OLD HAG! I'M SICK AND TIRED OF GETTING ENVY AND YOUR STUPID PRANK CALLS, THIS IS MY PHONE, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MESS WITH MY STUFF! RAWR! (Click)

You message has been deleted; you have no more messages, good bye!

D.S.: Well, I hope you like the fic so far, thanks for reading! Please review!


End file.
